Psycho Juice Blue

Were it not for the particular proportion of reading that I pretend to do, or the constant gaming and lack of cleaning that I actually do, I feel that I would still be taken. Not abducted or stolen or even lost, but taken in heart and being. My procrastination when it comes to relationships and laziness when it comes to particular emotions has always been one of my loveliest downfalls. It's lead to a lack of fulfilling romance that I've filled with drugs, emotionless denial, rude persona, and a certain degree of absurdity. This bland, nonsensical, chemical romance is now all I have. I welcome it. I feel I've not only seen the edge, but I've leaped as high as I could and fallen, nose over tail, down to the jagged, unforgiving, unrelenting nothingness beyond. Or perhaps it's not nothingness but rather everythingness. I should realize that this, my sweet downfall, is something unwanted and unneeded, something to worry about. Something that should keep me up at night, sweating while making plans to better myself. Instead, I find myself smiling at the pure bit of nonsense my life has become. My life has become immeasurably better since I have been forced to stop taking it seriously. I have voluntarily turned my existence into a post modern, weird circle jerk of blunt, truthful, and uncaring humor. I'm a jerk. the biggest jerk you know. And don't misinterpret. Jerks, assholes, douche bags, dicks, and mean people are not the same thing. So maybe it is good and right that I'm not taken. I hated sharing my bed anyway. And yet, who the hell am I kidding? I carry a condom in my jackets inner pocket, for fucks sake. I don't remember where I got it. What i do remember is coming home to a private LSD party, then subsequently getting lost in my bathroom. It's not that i couldn't find the door. It was that damn mirror. If you ever want to look in a mirror while mind altering liquids flow through your body, then you get what any such idiot deserves. Every flaw, every wasted opportunity, every potential moment unlived, every embarrassment, every single good thing gone bad, they all come pouring out of your pores and present themselves with a bow and a smile. seconds turn to hours, and I'm just standing there, not blinking, not moving, not breathing. You ever turn blue while on psycho juice? I had no one to tear me away. No distractions at all. Just me and that palm reading piece of glass. I have no idea how long I stood there. I woke up in Maryland with a different tie on and a condom in my pocket. so there it stays. Since that night, four months ago, I have done this three more times, and each time I wake up somewhere new and exciting with interesting things in my pockets. Once I cleaned my whole apartment. I plan on doing it at least once a month until it kills me or until I get tired of it.

The Explanation

You were on your way home when you died.

It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMT's tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered. You're better off now. trust me.

And that's when you met me.

"What... what happened?" You asked. "Where am I?"

"You died." I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.

"There was... It was a truck. It was skidding..."

"Yup." I said.

"I... I'm dead?"

"Yup. But don't feel bad about it. Everyone dies." I said.

You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. No color. No sound. No feeling or smell. It was... just.

"What is this place?" you asked. "The afterlife?"

"More or less." I shrugged.

"Are you God?"

"Yup." I smiled. "I'm God."

"My kids... my wife... my family..."

"What about them?"

"Will they be alright?"

"That's what I like to see." I smiled again. "You just died and your main concern is your family. that's good stuff right there. Very commendable, kind sir."

You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn't look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty.

"Don't worry." I said. "They'll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. they didn't have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. Don't be upset. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it's any consolation, she'll feel very guilty for feeling relieved."

"Oh." you said, looking away from me in thought. "So... what happens now? Do I go to Heaven or Hell or something?"

"Neither. You'll be reincarnated."

"Ah. So the Hindus were right."

"All religions are right in their own way." I said. "Walk with me."

"Walk?" You looked down at the nothing below you. "On what? Where are we going?"

"Nowhere in particular." I said. "It's just nice to walk while we talk."

"So... what's the point then?" you said, following me. "When I'm born again, I'll just be a blank slate right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything i did in this life won't matter."

"Not so!" I said. "You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. you just don't remember them right now."

I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. "Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It's like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it's hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel and when you bring it back out, you've gained all the experiences it had.

"You've been a human for the last 48 years, so you haven't stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here long enough, you'd start remembering everything. But there's no point in doing that between each life."

"How many times have i been reincarnated?"

"Oh lots. Lots and lots. And into lots of different lives. This time around, you'll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD."

"Wait, what?" you stammered. "You're sending me back in time?"

"Well, i guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from."

"Where you come from?"

"Oh sure." I smirked. "I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you'll want to know what it's like there, but honestly you wouldn't understand."

"Oh." You said, a little let down. "But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point."

"Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don't even know what's happening."

"So what's the point of it all?"

"Seriously?" I asked. "Seriously? You're asking me for the meaning of life? Kind of stereotypical, isn't it?"

"Well it's a reasonable question."

I looked you in the eye. "The meaning of life, the reason I made this... all of this" I waved my hands around me, indicating all directions, "is for you to mature."

"You mean mankind? You want us to mature?"

"No. Just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect."

"Just me? What about everyone else?"

"There is no one else. In this universe, there's just you an me."

You stared blankly at me. "But all the people on Earth..."

"All you. Different incarnations of you."

"Wait. I'm... everyone?"

"Now you're getting it," I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.

"I'm every human who ever lived... Ever?"

"Or who will ever live, yes."

"I'm Abraham Lincoln?"

"And you're John Wilkes Booth, too," I added.

"I'm Hitler?" you asked, appalled.

"And you're the millions he killed."

"I'm... I'm Jesus?"

"And you're everyone who followed him."

"When I had sex..." your eyes got wide and you looked at me for an answer.

I shrugged. "Puts a whole new spin on masturbation, doesn't it?"

You fell silent.

"Every time you victimized someone," I said, "You were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you've ever done, you've done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you."

You thought for a long time.

"Why?" You asked me. "Why do all of this?"

"Because, someday, you will become like me. Because that's what you are. You're one of a kind. You're my child."

"Whoa whoa whoa." you waved your hands in front of you, not believing what you were hearing. "You mean... you're telling me that I'm a god?"

"No. Not yet anyway. You're a fetus. you're still growing. once you've lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born."

"So the whole universe," you said, "It's just..."

"An egg." I answered. "Now it's time for you to move on to your next life."

And I sent you on your way.

What I Have Learned...

Nobody really knows anything...

But everyone thinks they do.

I certainly don't know anything.

But, like everyone else, I think I do......

So here's stuff I think I know

Although, I don't think you should read it. Because nobody really knows anything.

Especially me.

me == stupid

Don't listen to me.

In fact, you should stop reading right now.

If you're still reading there's probably something wrong with you, because I wrote this and there's probably something wrong with me. Nothing that i say should ever be listened to, taken seriously, or repeated back into air waves in any form in general. the fact that I even discuss a subject should suggest an error in it and its participants merely by my association.

Everything exists because it can. There is no other requirement for existing.

Everything is relative.

The size of anything depends on what you're comparing it to.

Life goes on.

There is no way to deserve it or earn it. You already have it. You, and only you, get to choose what to do with it. People will tell you what you should do with it. but they will also ask for money. So figure that one out.

In reality, there is no life anywhere.

The things that we call "alive" are the things that most resemble ourselves. Beyond this, everything is essentially the same.

Everyone is selfish. This is okay because everyone must be selfish. If everyone were selfless there would be no selves. There would be only one thing. It. Everything. And no one to call it anything.

Good and evil are opposite ends of desire. On one end is everything you desire. On the other is everything you fear.

Good people are only happy when you're happy.

Evil people are only happy when you're sad.

Love and hate are opposite ends of reason.

On one end is everything you choose to see. On the other end is everything you choose to ignore.

The earth is kept afloat in space by several large elephants standing atop several LARGER sea turtles. I just haven't figured out if it's flat or round yet.

Movement is everything. How things move determines what they are, what they were, and what they're going to be. Everything you do, have done, and will do is moving something from one place to another. Every movement you make is a choice to take from one thing and give to something else.

Choose wisely

If movement is everything, the art of mastering everything is the art of mastering different types of movement.

If you help others accomplish their goals, they will most likely return the favor. With interest. If you prevent people from accomplishing their goals, they will most likely return the favor. With even more interest.

Karma is what happens when the waves you send out come back to you. Be careful what you send out.

Laziness is good. It's the only way to know if you're wasting time. Laziness is the key to efficiency. The less work you want to do, the more you'll think of efficient ways to do it.

we naturally think in pictures. Words are much more efficient, but much less accurate.

Societies are cooperative redundant arrays. Cooperative redundant arrays allow us to specialize.

cooperative + redundant array + specialization = epic win

The problem is always the opposite of the solution. If you see a problem, you're really seeing the solution. You're just comparing it to the real state of things, which is currently the opposite of the solution. If the problem is merely the reverse of the solution, the art of creating solutions is simply the art of accurately seeing the problem.

The more you think you know, the less you actually know. forget all your assumptions and you will be left with nothing. But what is.

Belief seeks thhe closest matching reality. Remember this when dealing with others. No one sees the world as it is, only as they believe it to be.

Humans are probably the first species on this planet with the capability to believe and maintain complex systems of nonsense at will. Sadly, this may be our best and most redeeming attribute.

You can accomplish any goal and you can be anything you want to be. All you need to do is believe the previous sentence.

Everything would be much easier if we all just chose one number and stuck with it. I suggest 42. Or possibly 13. I am not superstitious.

Someday, i will most likely be killed by someone who can't handle a joke, someone who plays a short game, someone who lacks the foresight to see greater long-term gains from cooperation, someone even more foolish than me.

Now THAT'S funny.

It is wise to listen to your parents. They've been around long enough to gain loads of wisdom and learn many things. It is unwise to do what they tell you to. They're full of shit.

Life is absurd.

Humor is required for happiness. If you can't appreciate absurdity, you can't appreciate life.

Life is fair. It treats everyone equally. You get exactly what you deserve. You got in for free, so stop complaining. Asshole.

Everything is meaningless. We add meaning to help ourselves. If we go, all of the meaning goes with us.

Stop taking everything so seriously. Just have fun. That's not a fact, just a suggestion.

The past is an illusion. we create these things to help ourselves. There is only now. Right now. Now.

Death goes off. And that's ok. Because off is nothing. And nothing is nothing to worry about.

advice (don't take it)

When did we forget out dreams?
The infinite possibilities that each day hold should stagger the mind. the sheer number of experiences I could have is uncountable, breathtaking, and I'm sitting here refreshing my inbox.
We live in trapped loops, reliving a few days over and over, and we envision only a few paths laid out ahead of us. We see the same things each day, respond the same way, we think the same thoughts, every day a slight variation on the last, every moment smoothly following the gentle curves of societal norms.
We act like if we just get through today, tomorrow our dreams will come back to us.
And no, I don't have all the answers. I don't know how to jolt myself into seeing what each moment could become. But I do know one thing: the solution doesn't involve watering down my every little idea and creative impulse for the sake of someday easing my fit into a mold. It doesn't involve tempering my life to better fit someone's expectations. It doesn't involve constantly holding back for fear of shaking things up.
this is very important, so i want to say it as clearly as I can:
FUCK. THAT. SHIT.

My advice:
1) Speak the truth, even if your voice shakes
2) In a society that has abolished adventure, the only adventure left is to abolish that society
3) The worst mistake anyone can make is being too afraid to make a mistake
4) Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon
5) This is YOUR life, and it's ending one minute at a time.
6) YOU ARE ON A ROCK FLOATING THROUGH SPACE
7) Harden the fuck up.
8) Never regret anything because, at one time, it was exactly what you wanted.
9) When faced with two choices, simply toss a coin. It works not because it settles the question for you, but because in that brief moment when the coin is in the air... you suddenly know what you are hoping for.

In the end, it doesn't matter what the press says. It doesn't matter what the politicians or the mobs say. it doesn't matter if the whole country decides that something wrong is something right. This nation was founded on one principal above all else. The requirement that we stand up for what we believe, no matter the odds or consequences. When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth and tell the whole world:
NO. YOU MOVE.

Seasick Steve and his three stringed guitar

So, i stumble... a LOT.
for those of you who don't know what stumbling is... It's a Mozilla Firefox add on. essentially, you click the button and it takes you to a random website.
So, i was stumbling and I stumbled upon a youtube video featuring one Seasick Steve. this guy........ is fucking..... AMAZING.
I watched some more of his videos. turns out the guitar he's using, he bought for 75 bucks in Mississippi. When he bought it, it had three strings on it, and they were in the wrong place. he hasn't changed that. the three strings that were on the guitar when he bought it are still there today... all he's done is written on the guitar and added toilet paper.
TOILET PAPER, PEOPLE!
I TOLD YOU THIS GUY WAS AWESOME!!!

Check him out:

Mending

So... my GF read my post about Stacy and now she's all pissed because she thinks that I'm going after Stacy while dating her.
She has full right to be pissed. Because that's indeed how it reads.
So I must clear a few things up.
The Stacy story didnt happen last weekend like I said it did. I just made it more recent to make it more interesting... It actually happened sometimes in May (possibly earlier... I don't exactly remember the time frame).
We weren't really dating then, though i do believe we had just met and were smiling at each other.
I'm sorry I lied about the time frame. It was my bad. Now I just hope I can mend my relationship.
Fuck this is gonna be hard...