Tuesday, May 31, 2011

30 days of music

My girlfriend did this and i learned all kinds of good stuff about her. so I'll do it to because... what are you gonna do to stop me? :P

day 01 - your favorite song
day 02 - your least favorite song
day 03 - a song that makes you happy
day 04 - a song that makes you sad
day 05 - a song that reminds you of someone
day 06 - a song that reminds you of somewhere
day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event
day 08 - a song that you know all the words to
day 09 - a song that you can dance to
day 10 - a song that makes you fall asleep
day 11 - a song from your favorite band
day 12 - a song from a band you hate
day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure
day 14 - a song that no one would expect you to love
day 15 - a song that describes you
day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate
day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio
day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio
day 19 - a song from your favorite album
day 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry
day 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy
day 22 - a song that you listen to when you're sad
day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding
day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral
day 25 - a song that makes you laugh
day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument
day 27 - a song that you wish you could play
day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
day 29 - a song from your childhood
day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

Monday, May 30, 2011


I was introduced to her parents.
I made her dad laugh like mad within three minutes of meeting him.
I hung out with her brother, talked with him, and liked him.
I never saw a smile leave her mothers face.
She told her mom we were dating.
Her brother told me he liked me more than her horrible ex boyfriend.
I tried the food.
I got seconds.
I got thirds.
Her father initiated conversation about school and religion.
She held my hand in front of her parents, solidifying my "here to stay" status.
I found out I burn like a lobster
And she couldn't stop smiling...

Today was a great great great day. the best. Jealous? Yup.

Sunday, May 8, 2011


They meet in the ruins of New York City, rather by accident, right in the middle of what used to be Times Square, back when people actually lived there.

They are both armed: she with a pistol strapped to her hip, while he supports a rifle on his shoulder. Both are uneasy with these armaments; there are evidences of new calluses and deep shadows in eyes that have seen too much. They are not soldiers by choice, merely a man and a woman forced into their current position by circumstances far outside of their control. Still, both weapons are firmly pointed towards the other without more than a bare second of hesitation.

“Are you with Them?” the man demands, nervously straightening his glasses with his shoulder even as he holds the rifle.

The woman twitches, the pistol wavering for a moment before she rights it. “Why should I tell you?”

“I could kill you!” the man threatens with a certainty born of sad experience. “I’ve killed men and women both before!”

“So have I,” she says with sadness that he understands. “Anyway, I’m not with Them. Are you?”

That strikes him as an odd question. “Why would I ask you if I was?”

“To save yourself,” she replies. “To make me think you’re not, to keep me from shooting you. They say not to take any prisoners.”

“If you have the slightest doubt of a citizen’s loyalties, you should shoot without hesitation,” the man agrees. The words are rote, because he has heard them and repeated them so many times before.

The woman clicks the pistol’s safety off. “And do you doubt my loyalty?”

He considers this. “Well, I don’t know you. So I suppose I do. Do you doubt mine?”

“I suppose I do. And for the same reason: I don’t know you.”

“Then it seems we’ll both have to shoot,” he says regretfully. He hasn’t seen anyone else for two weeks.

She sighs with matching resignation. “You’re right. I’m sorry that we have to. It was pleasant, seeing another person.”

“Yes, it was,” he agrees with something like a smile. “What’s the protocol for this?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know. How about the count of three?”

“That seems fair,” he concurs, despite his disappointment. Then he hesitates. “Say, what if we’re it?”

“How do you mean?”

“What if we are on the same side, right? And supposing we shoot each other, They’d win?”

She considers this. “Well, that couldn’t be so bad.”


She looks down the darkening street. “Well, maybe we’re both lying. And so when we shoot each other, They will be the ones to lose.”

“That’d be worth it,” he admits. He no longer knows who is Us and who is Them. “On three, then?”

“On three,” she agrees. “It was nice, to have this talk with you.”

“And you,” he says. He levels the rifle at her heart. “I’m sorry.”

Her pistol aims at his forehead. “Yes, me too.”

“One,” he says.

“Two,” she echoes.

A second after he whispers Three, he realizes that he does recognize her, from a small cafe back in college. She was ordering a coffee, and he almost asked her on a date. But by then it’s too late.

Two gunshots ring out amidst the ruins of New York City, from the middle of what used to be Times Square.

The war ends.

Friday, May 6, 2011

50 questions

these 50 question were presented to me via a woman that i just can't stop thinking about. in order to impress her and tell her more about myself, I have decided to answer them. My answers probably won't be NEARLY as long as hers... still... I will answer them to the best of my ability.

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
-- You know, it's strange. I've been told by several people that i look like I'm in my 30's. These same people tell me that I act like I'm in my early 20's. I'm 26. If I were to look in a mirror and never interact with anyone, i would think i was 32. If I were to base this solely off my interactions with people, I would say 23. If i were to go off my leadership skills, I would say 47.

Which is worse, failing or never trying?
--Who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed? Always try, or you won't know why you failed.

If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
--Fear and familiarity. We find something we like and we keep doing it because it becomes familiar. We know there's something we might like, but it's not familiar, and we fear the unfamiliar. So it never gets done.

When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
--Sadly, I fear the answer is yes. I've been many places and done many things. I've taken life, I've loved, I've hated, I've built, and I've destroyed. But if I were to die today, what would I leave behind but memories?

What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
--Religion. We pretty much have a hold of it now. Be free to worship or not worship whoever you want. But part of changing the world is also changing it's history. a thousand years ago, believing in one thing meant not believing in another or not living... it really set us back a few thousand years.

If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
-- High School English Teacher

Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
-- I believe in what I'm doing.

If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
--I would have masters, a house, and a child. I wouldn't have played a single video game and i would have published at least four books by now.

To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
-- until lately, not a lot. but in the past year, 80% of it has been controlled by me.

Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
--doing things right. If it's done correctly, I don't mind stepping on a few toes.

You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?
--If they're three people I respect, then they obviously respect me. Meaning they would expect nothing less than a vigorous defense of someone I care for. I will get angry and tell them to stop. i will explain that he/she is my friend and, even though they have a full right to have whatever opinion they wish about whoever, I will not hesitate to slash their tires if they continue to speak poorly of him/her... with all do respect, of course.

If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
--Study. dear god, study.

Would you break the law to save a loved one?
-- I have and will again.

Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
-- i don't think so.

What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
-- Well perhaps not most people, but at least most people I know... I get what i want. And not that whole spoiled brat aspect. But... if I see something that I feel should happen... something I want to happen... I will make sure it happens. If anyone knew this, it would be Jenny. She's seen me make sure a club that was near and dear to everyone's hearts didn't go under. She saw me settle disputes that i believed were wrong solely because I didn't want people to start hissy fitting. She saw me make sure the people we NEEDED were elected into positions when people who were dating the current officers thought it was a sure bet for them. And she saw me not stop until i made her smile every day. I work for things I want. Harder than anyone I've ever seen.

How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
-- because how boring would that be?

What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?
-- I have not been to japan. financial issues. and no passport.

Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
-- if anyone were to answer this question "no." they'd be lying.

If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
-- state: texas. it's home.
-- country: japan. sushi.

Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
-- no and no.

Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
-- worried genius. they make more money.

Why are you, you?
-- because i don't want to be who I was anymore.

Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
-- no. but thats because... who would want themselves as a best friend? Why would i want to befriend somebody that's already done and seen everything i've done and seen. he has all the favorites i have and all the likes and dislikes. he treats everyone exactly like me. what the hell is he bringing to the relationship that isn't already there?

Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
-- losing touch.

What are you most grateful for?
-- the respect i'm given. people may not like me, but they listen to me and they take what i say to heart. and that's special.

Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
-- lose all my old memories. all they do is cause headaches anyway.

Is it possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
-- I remember talkingg about this.

Has your greatest fear ever come true?
-- not yet.

Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?
-- not at all.

What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?
-- the first time i held my baby sister the day she was born. It's my favorite memory and i wouldn't give it up for anything.

At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
-- I'm not sure i would know... probably the day i got out of the army... but I can't be sure.

If not now, then when?
-- well, obviously later.

If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
-- her.

Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
-- almost every monday through thursday.

Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
-- Honestly, when was the last time you can remember a religion starting a war. lately, its politics.

Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
-- no.

If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
-- i have no job. so hey... bonus.

Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
-- more work.

Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
-- no. but i feel like i've had this headache a hundred times before.

When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
-- 2008

If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
-- I would max out everything and grab Jenny and bigger and I'd call abby and tell her to go to dads... I'd put jenny and bigger on a plane with me and we'd go to my fathers. I would spend every waking moment with all four.

Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
-- famous. yes.

What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
-- a big one. truly living means happiness. Love. hate. being alive... well everyone is alive. but who is living? Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a Ride!

When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
-- that time started yesterday.

If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
-- jail? death?

What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
-- probably nothing.

When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
-- just now. thanks a lot asshole.

What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
-- i love being someone people can rely on.

In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?
-- probably not. well actually... yesterday was... pretty momentous. so yeah.

Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?
-- i'm making them. and i am so very happy with they way they're ending up.

Chasing Amy

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

You Ruined Everything

I was fine,
I pulled myself together
Just in time,
To throw myself away
Once my perfect world was gone I knew,
You ruined everything...
In the nicest way
You should know,
How great things were before you
Even so,
They're better still today
Now I can't think who I was before
You ruined everything...
In the nicest way
Bumps in the road remind us
The worst of the best behind us
Only good things will find us,
Me and you
Days will be clear and sunny
We're gonna need more money
Ma'am , you know it's funny
All those stories coming true
Despite my better efforts,
It's all for you
the worst kind of cliché
I'll be with you till the day you leave
You ruined everything...
In the nicest way